


the brother he never got to have

by liloslemonade



Category: IT (1990), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Brotherly Love, Fluff, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Illegal Activities, Internalized Homophobia, Jealous Eddie, M/M, Richie Tozier Being Richie Tozier, Swearing, Weddings, and by that i mean sneaking into a movie, big brother bill, bills the best man, but you knew that when you clicked on it fanfiction these kids have potty mouths, clown no clown idk i kept it pretty open ended, georgie dies in the beginning, i didnt specify but i see it from the 50s-80s ish, ominous time period, pov change but it's specified, so there's some grieving, time jumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26245762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liloslemonade/pseuds/liloslemonade
Summary: Throughout his. life, Eddie looked up to Bill like an older brother. He always wondered if Bill felt the same, and luckily he did.This follows the times in Eddie and Bill's life where they looked at each other as siblings - some unknowing, some knowing.
Relationships: Bill Denbrough & Eddie Kaspbrak, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29
Collections: Labor Day Book Quote Challenge (2020)





	the brother he never got to have

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first published fanfic. I've been working on them for the past six years but never got around to posting or finishing them because I'm just always anxious about how others perceive me. But I went out on a limb and joined Bimmy and Chris' Writing Challenge to force myself to post and complete something. We go to choose a quote which mine is "Stuttering Bill had replaced Jock Mahoney, who played the Range Rider on TV Saturday mornings, as a great hero of Eddie’s life." and is in bold.
> 
> As a heads up, the POV will change, but next to the age that I see the scene taking place I will put down who's POV it is. This is all written in third person, but I only did certain thoughts from certain character and those are in italics
> 
> I hope you enjoy my work!
> 
> Feel free to follow my IT tumblr thegood-side

Age 11 - Bill

Bill wasn’t really used to being alone too much until recently. He felt most alone these last two weeks, despite being surrounded by everyone he knew, didn’t know, and didn’t know that they knew - his partner in crime had disappeared, without a trace other than a tiny river of blood that washed away like the rain and the paper boat that brutal day. Nothing made Bill feel more alone than silent dinners with his mother who was choking back tears and his father who would stay for 5 minutes and then retreat to his bedroom. Bill ate casserole for every meal, but he couldn’t bring himself to eat the Kugel from the Uris residence because they made it just the way Georgie loved it.

Bill went to bed late the night before Georgie’s funeral. He sat at his desk with his notebook open to a clean page, a pencil in his hand, and a thought in his head, but his hand wouldn’t budge. His head was going to explode with all the thoughts, and he just wanted to get one down to stop the kettle in his brain from boiling over with hot tears. But that’s exactly what happened. Bill cried silently at his desk until the page was so wet you could see some of the writing on the other side, bleeding and mirroring onto the page he was supposed to be journaling on.

Bill wiped his sleeve across his face, sucked in his snot, and looked back at his last diary entry: about 4 days before Georgie died. The day was a simple one, school, hanging out with his friends at the Barrens, walking Eddie home, and then playing outside with Georgie until the sun had set and Mrs. Denborough was calling out the window for her boys to come get dinner. Bill remembers the day, he remembers sniffling at the dinner table and taking some red pill for his headache and watching Family Feud with his family. Georgie put tissues in his pocket so that Bill wouldn’t have to keep getting up to blow his nose and step in front of the television and would hand Bill one at every commercial break.

Georgie was with Bill for the next four days, entertaining Bill by reading him Dr. Seuss and pretending his fingers were Superheros flying around his bedroom. Bill wasn’t sick on the fourth day, but he was getting tired of being around Georgie. The little rascal was like lice in his hair but wouldn’t leave him the hell alone. Bill convinced Georgie to go outside and play, and within the hour, one of the neighbors Bill had never met heard a scream, saw the trail of blood leaking down to the sewer and would call the cops.

Bill remembers hearing the sirens of cars rushing over to the neighbors. He remembers wondering what was taking Georgie so long. He remembers Fur Elise being played somberly downstairs by his mother. He remembers his mother calling the police station right before dinner. And he remembers his father crying one day later, when the police chief called back to tell the Denboroughs, the neighbor did see the boy in the yellow rain jacket and rain boots dragged into the sewer, and the trail of blood. Bill remembers feeling alone as his parents held each other and cried because nobody was holding him when he cried.

Bill slammed the journal closed. So much for not crying it out, you wuss. Bill thought. He put his head down on the journal and stared at the stars outside his window, wondering how many days it would take to walk to the nearest one and live there alone. All alone on one of the stars, he’d feel much less alone, maybe because then he wouldn’t feel like so stupid for crying.

Bill opened his journal one last time, ready to write about the stars, when he saw the tear blots on the page outline certain words from his last entry. Words like, “school”, “shit”, stutter”, “Eddie”, and “Georgie”. He drew a 5 prongs star in the corner of the page and decided to roll into bed to cry into his pillow.

It was the tapping that scared Bill awake. He first thought it was nothing more than another rainstorm, but it was too sporadic to be rain. The tap happened again, louder this time, followed by a voice saying “oh shit!” Bill walked over to his window where the tapping was coming from and he opened his curtains to look outside. Looking down, he saw Eddie Kaspbrak standing with a pile of pebbles from his mothers garden, a yellow rain jacket that was two sizes too big (despite the lack of rain, the sky was dark like it was going to), and a guilty look across his face. Confused, Bill opened his window and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

“Eddie?” Bill whispered “Wh-what the fuck a-are y-y-you doing up at-“ he glanced at the alarm clock next to his bed reading 5:30 in the morning.

“My mom said I can’t go today. She’s keeping me in because it might rain and she doesn’t want me to get sick.” Eddie’s voice was loud but shaky like a tightrope.

Bill nodded his head, _figures, she’s a tight ass about this_. “Eddie, the sun barely r-rose, you should go h-h-home.” Eddie shook his head and dropped the pebbles in a pile. He walked towards the house and grabbed one of the panels, trying to hoist himself up. “E-Eddie, wh-what are you-“

“Bill, be quiet. I’m trying to concentrate.” He planted both feet back on the ground and waved Bill off, still trying to get his footing - grunting like a pig.

“Eddie, y-you can’t s-scale the s-s-side of my h-house,” Bill whispered in a yell, but Eddie kept trying to climb, moving one foot and falling back down, not even getting a foot off the ground. How could he? He was 11 and the house had no rungs for him to grasp onto, there was no way that he would be able to climb two stories and into Bill’s bedroom without waking his parents.

Eventually, Eddie stopped, heaving with his hands on his hips. “Did you grease your house?”

Bill smiled and shook his head. “Just f-for you,” Bill couldn’t see Eddie’s face well, but he could almost hear his eyes rolling. Just as quickly as he could quip back, his face fell serious.  
Softly, Eddie said: “I’m sorry,” which took Bill by surprise.

“For wh-what?” Eddie shrugged and kicked at the pebbles by his feet. He mumbled something that Bill couldn’t hear. “What?” Eddie mumbled again, this time not even facing the house. “Speak up, E-E-“

“Not going today!” Eddie almost shouted. Bill stared down at Eddie as Eddie kept kicking at the pebbles like they were the most important thing in the world. “I want to be there for you. Are you gonna be okay on your own?” It took Bill a moment to answer, because quite frankly he didn’t know if he was going to be okay. He was going to be forced into a suit and tie, go to a funeral that he didn’t even want to have, and watch his baby brother’s empty casket be lowered into the ground. Bill wanted to jump down there and run away on his bike, maybe Eddie could ride next to Silver on his and they could ride all the way to Portland, or Augusta, or New York, or Boston or-

“Y-yeah.” Bill felt tears in the back of his eyes. Even though Eddie wouldn’t be able to see them, he didn’t want to cry in front of him. Not because Eddie would tease him, but because he would worry and try climbing the house again or maybe sneak away to the funeral. And as much as Bill wanted to have Eddie there, he knew that if his mother knew he snuck out, Eddie wouldn’t be able to go out to play until the new year.

Eddie nodded his head and grabbed some of the pebbles. “I’m here for you - as long as you don’t rat me out.”

Bill nodded his head. “Yeah, I’d r-rather n-not go-o to your fu-uneral too-o.” Eddie’s face light up and he threw a pebble right at Bill’s face. Bill laughed. He somehow made a joke out of the whole situation, and laughed. And Eddie was there to share the laugh with.

“Go-o ho-ome Eddie. B-Before your mom w-w-w-“ _wakes! Wakes! Say wakes!_ Eddie knew what he was going to say. He let stuttering Bill try and say it again, and again, just staring up. Not with frustration, or tiredness - just waiting. “WAKES!” Bill yelled, eventually. A bird flew out of the tree at that moment, making them both jump and giggle. Eddie nodded his head walked away from the window and over to the bush where he parked his bike. Bill watched to make sure - not sure why or what he was making sure of, but he had to make sure.  
Just when Eddie was about to peddle off, he looked behind him and yelled: “You’re still coming to the park, right Billy?” Bill nodded his head.

“Yes, g-go before you w-wake up my mom!” Eddie waved one last time, and started to peddle down the street, towards the sunrise and towards his house.

Bill shut the window and walked over to his desk, having an itch in his hands to write. The last person to call him Billy was Georgie, an hour before he went missing. He opened his journal to the tear stained page with the star from the night before and wrote.

Age fourteen - Eddie

One of the best things to do on a hot summer day was to escape to the shops somewhere in town. Ideally, the air conditioning would be on, and everyone would have something cold to suck on, but it was too hot to hunt down the ice cream truck and it was too humid to hang out with the animals on Mike’s farm. For a bunch of broke kids, there wasn’t much to do in Derry, especially without a mode of transportation outside of their bikes.

On days that they weren’t swimming in the Quarry, the Loser’s club would sneak into the Aladdin movie theater and catch a flick. In the alley next to the emergency exit, the seven teens were huddled together going over the plan for how to get into without spending over $5.

“We’ll be out in 5 minutes, can you guys wait that long?” Beverly asked and they all nodded.

“I’m not sure Beverly, this all seems a little off to me. Are you sure we won’t get caught?” Ben said warily. Richie tutted his tongue and wrapped an arm around Ben’s shoulders and tugged him close to ruffle his hair.

“Benny. Bucko. Haystack. Benjamin Button my friend. Are you a square or something? Stick to the plan and you’ll be fine.”

“Can’t I go in first? With guys?”

“Ben, Eddie can’t handle the pressure, so he’s coming in with Mike and I, you’re the third wave with Bill after Stan. You just have to take the ticket walk in with me and then Richie comes out for the others. You’ve got this.” Bev ruffled his hair and his face went red like her hair.

“I can handle the pressure,” The group silenced and gave a silent look at him. “I can handle the pressure!” At once, everyone spoke at once. Sentences such as “Oh definitely, but just this once-“ “We’d never assume less of you!” “This is believable, but you just have to realize it’s high stakes,” “Yeah! You’re no pussy, let’s just do it this way this time.” Richie silently pushed his way to Eddie and bumped Bill out of the way.

“Eds, you totally have it in you to be third or second wave, on any other day. You’re just -“ Richie gestured trying to grasp the words. “-just today, I really really want to watch a crappy movie about horrible birds that attack people so I can terrorize Mike about it!” Richie proceeded to squawk right in Mikes face. Mike pushed him away, laughing but still giving the empty threats that he was going to get his ass kicked.

Bill tapped Eddie’s hand - which he hadn’t even realized was in a fist. Eddie looked up at Bill and then back at Richie who was getting laughs out of the rest of the group. “Ben can have my spot.” He said, and the group slowly silenced. Eddie looked up at Bill again, and got a surge of confidence. “Yeah, I’ll go in with Bill-“ he took one step forward and jabbed a finger right in Richie’s chest. “In the last wave.” Richie pushed his glasses up, and then tugged on the collar of Eddie’s shirt and smiled.

“Spaghetti thinks he’s got it, I believe in him.” He bumped Eddie’s shoulder and walked right through the group. “See you in there, shorty,” Eddie didn’t realize his face was warm until Beverly’s cool lips gave him a kiss on the cheek and a “thank you, Eds.” Under her breath and gently tugged Ben past him.

“God, he’s so frustrating sometimes!” Eddie huffed and kicked a stone into the street. “Sometimes, I think I should give him a piece of my mind,”

“You’re never one to shy away from telling off Richie.” Mike said with a laugh and kicked a rock just like Eddie. “He needs someone to put him down a peg, and until he gets a wife to knock it out of him, he has you.” Stan laughed and kicked a rock in the same fashion.

“Hey!”

“Yeah, if he ever finds a woman to tie him down. He’s too much for everyone except us,”

“Only woman that I think could tame him would be Beverly, except she’s…between men per say.” Mike said through laughs. Bill gave a nudge to his shoulder.

“S-shut up Mike! None of your business, anyw-ways.” Bill kicked the last rock which went the farthest. Eddie was amazed at Bill’s strength. He somehow kicked it farther than Mike who was the strongest out of the group. Maybe Bill would play soccer in high school. Eddie thought he would be the best on the team, maybe the most inexperienced, but definitely a fan favorite.

“I’m just saying! I mean Bill, are you going to ask her out?” Bill shrugged, trying to avoid eye contact.

“Maybe. She’d be fun to be with, I guess.” He kicked over some pebbles and rolled a couple over to Eddie. “I’d love to be the first of us to get a k-kiss though,” Stan sighed and Mike shook his head with a smile.

“How do you know that you’d be the first?” Stan questioned. Bill shrugged his shoulders and kicked a spray of pebbles out.

“S-simple. Richie wouldn’t stop talking about it. B-ben would be red as a firework at the topic of love. Mike would be out spoiling her right now. Y-you don’t know any other girls than B-beverly. And it’s too many g-g-germs for Eddie.” Eddie punched Bill’s arm as he laughed. “Am I wrong, bud?” Eddie just turned away and huffed.

“You kissed Beverly though,” he mumbled, and checked Bill’s shoulder. The boys giggled, at 14, it was hard to not find kissing to be taboo.

“Why aren’t you still talking about that, Bill?” Mike asked, and Bill shrugged.

“I k-kissed her like e-eight years ago. Plus it was just a-acting for the p-play.”

“No way, that was passionate, I’m surprised you two aren’t hitched,” Mike said.

“Or have kids,” Stan scoffed but chuckled.

Eddie walked up to Stan and said, “You really think they could’ve had children by now? They were like six, stupid. You can’t have babies that young, babies aren’t born until the mother is twenty, duh!” Eddie was now pacing and flailing his arms to justify his point. Stan and Bill exchanged smiles and bit their tongues. Sometimes he made it just too easy to mock.

Richie turned the corner, bouncing in excitement. “Round two lads!” He called. Mike and Stan walked over, turned the corner and then it was just Bill and Eddie.

“You’d tell me if Bev had your kids right?” Eddie asked. Bill smiled and gave him a shove on his shoulder.

“You’d have to know. You’d be the god-father or something.”

“Really?” Eddie looked up at Bill with saucers for eyes. Bill nodded his head.

“Yeah. B-but not until I’m like twenty f-five or older. We’re too young for k-kids.”

“Richie’s basically a child.” Eddie grumbled.

“H-he’s just pulling your leg. H-he knows if he goes t-too far that I’ll k-kick his ass.” Eddie smiled up at him. Richie and Bill had gotten into a fist fight once but nobody knew who would have won because they were broken apart by the rest of the group. Eddie wasn’t there but he attended to Richie’s black eye and Bill’s gut where Richie kicked him. Eddie didn’t like having his friends fight, mainly because the fight had everything to do with the safety of Eddie (and his broken arm). But while they were fighting Eddie was able to patch them up and even help them work out some of their problems before he got his cast removed.

“Thanks for coming in with me Bill.” Eddie said under his breath. He didn’t want to admit it, but he probably would have chickened out if it wasn’t for Bill going in last with him. Despite the fact that most people still thought of Bill as timid and reserved, he was someone Eddie loved having around because he had always been there for Eddie and Eddie had always been there for him. **Stuttering Bill had replaced Jock Mahoney, who played the Range Rider on TV Saturday mornings, as a great hero of Eddie’s life.**

Bill shrugged, “It’s wh-whatever. You’d do the s-same for me.” As low as Bill played it, he knew it meant the world to Eddie, so it meant a lot to Bill.

Eddie nodded and squatted down on the dirt, refraining from putting his butt on the ground, but Bill slouched down right in the dirt. Eddie didn’t flinch, but he did feel his mouth curve into a scowl at the germs on the ground. They waited more in silence, not an uncomfortable silence but one where they had nothing more to talk about until Richie rounded the corner with two ticket stubs in the air.

“Look who didn’t chicken out!” Richie said and bounced right up to Eddie. He put him in a headlock and ruffled his locks roughly.

“Richie!” Eddie groaned as he tried to pry himself off.

“Richie, let him go,” Bill said. Eddie went flying out of the headlock and knocked right into Bill who steadied him. Eddie looked up in Bill’s eyes as a silent “thanks” and Bill winked. “L-let’s go or everyone’s going to be m-mad at us for being l-late.”

Eddie stuck close to Bill’s side, letting him wrap his arm around his shoulders - a position Richie usually took, but Eddie felt brave. He felt brave with Bill by his side because Bill wasn’t scared of anything. Eddie hoped that the more that Bill and him hung out, the more brave that he would become.

Age 16 - Eddie

It was sometime in September that Bill stopped hanging out with Eddie and their friends as much as he usually would. They all were fine with it, Bill made time when he could, and when he couldn’t, they wouldn’t pressure him for reasons. And even though they were doing nothing after school, Eddie couldn’t help but feel that jealousy that Bill was with someone else. He just wanted to know what the hell was so much better than them - so much better than him.

In October Eddie had enough. On his walk home from school with Richie and Beverly he saw Bill’s bike parked in front of the woods. He let Beverly and Richie keep yapping, not nothing to filter in the words but knowing if Bill’s bike was nearby so was Bill.

“-and I think that the more explosions the better. It would really add some beautiful flare to the action.” Richie said as he made explosion noises with his mouth.

“And then, it fades to black, with a white ringing noise in the back. Zooms in on the quarry and from the cloud of dust emerges-“

“Sonia Kaspbrak in nothing but the most ravishing lingerie ever!” Beverly punches his shoulder through muffled laughs.

Eddie hadn’t realized he stopped walking with them and was now walking towards the bike until his hands were on Silver’s handlebars which were still a little warm.

“Hey Ed’s, what color do you think your mom's lingerie is?” Eddie turned his head towards them and then back at the bike.

“Whatever color your period blood is, Rich. You think Bill’s around here?” Beverly walked over and put her hand on his shoulder.

“Probably. He’s probably just hanging out with someone else.”

“How do you know it’s not Bowers, or Belch or-“

“Because, they’re chasing some freshmen around.” Richie said and leaned on a tree. “Look, his kickstand is up. Bill never parks his bike, so he’s probably trying to woo your mom.”  
“Rich-“

“What like it’s hard? She’s easy-“

“Beep beep, asshole!” Eddie said and pushed Richie’s chest.

“Eddie, calm down.” Beverly said and put her hand back on his shoulder. It was cautionary and firm, Eddie knew not to take his anger out on his friends, but where the fuck is Bill?

Eddie looks up into Beverly’s eyes. She’s a tall girl, only an inch or two taller than Eddie and is stronger than him, but he could outrun her if he ran into the woods screaming out for Bill.

But if did find Bill, what would he do then? He could fight them like Mike and Bill have been teaching him, but if Bill got caught by bullies then Eddie was definitely going to get caught and beat up. “Maybe it’s someone else, someone who put his Bike out just like this to make it think that he’s fine when actually being strung up by his ankles by a metal chain.” Richie rolled his eyes and fluffed Eddie’s hair.

“Bill’s fine, I bet he’s just with a chick alright? What would you do if you burst into the woods and saw Big Bill’s “Big Bill”, huh? Be mildly disappointing considering it’s never going to be half as big-“ Eddie shrugged him off and took the glasses off his face.

“Richie, don’t you finish that sentence or I’ll snap these.” Richie’s face twisted into a grin though.

“As Mike’s farm. Eddie get your head out of the gutter.” Eddie scoffed and shoved his glasses into Richie’s outstretched palm.

Bill wouldn’t be with a girl would he? They would have talked about it, even if the others didn’t know, Eddie would have known. Bill always talks to Eddie about girls and school and boring stuff but Eddie listens because it makes Bill happy and he is pretty knowledgeable about it all.

“I’m going to find Bill. If you’re coming come, but if you're not, don’t hold me up.” Eddie walked towards the woods and paused right at the edge. The trees were too close and there were too many leaves making it dark. Bill would be brave though, and Eddie was brave, so he pushed aside a branch and walked in.

“We’ll wait here Eddie.” Beverly called. Eddie turned and nodded his head then went back to walking in.

He pushed aside bushes and bramble and tried his best to remember what Stan said poison ivy looked like. But every time he tried to identify if it was poison ivy - he would just see Richie saying it was marijuana. But bill wouldn’t be scared of poison ivy - plus Eddie had some cream in his backpack to soothe it if it was poison ivy.

_Can I get a contact high if I touch marijuana though?_

_No, Beverly said contact high is from the air, not physically touching it._

Oh my god am I high now?

With a stumble in his step (and the certainty that he saw marijuana and was high), he walked until he heard Bill’s laughter.

The sound took him by surprise, Bill hadn’t belly laughed much, but he sounded like it could be heard from the outside of the woods. He saw the clearing in the woods and slowly walked towards it until he was hiding behind a tree.

Bill was sitting on a boulder with a girl with black hair and a light blue bow sitting on top. He had his arm almost behind her, his fingers twitching as he struggled to find the moment to put his arm around her shoulders.

Richie was right...sorta. Bill was with a chick. From the back she looked beautiful with shiny hair and a dress to match the bow in her hair. She looked so sophisticated.

Between Bill’s laughs, she let out a massive belch beginning to burp the alphabet. Eddie’s jaw dropped. He had never met a girl that could do that- not even Beverly could do that and she was the coolest girl he knew. She got all the way to “P” and couldn’t go any longer. Bill took a giant swing of the soda in his hand and tried finishing it but couldn’t get out “Z”.

“One more letter, c’mon Bill!” She cheered but he couldn’t.

“I c-can’t!” He laughed and she finished it for him (without a swig of soda!) “You’re gross!” He said and playfully pushed her knee.

“No grosser than you!” She giggles and rested her hand on his knee. They all of a sudden got closer and closer, inches away from each other and just looking into each others eyes.  
_Who the hell is this chick?_

Eddie shouldn’t have been hurt by this, he knows he shouldn’t and he started feeling guilty for being hurt by something Bill is doing. He didn’t need Eddie’s permission to kiss a girl, he didn’t need Eddie’s approval of it. It felt like a secret though something Bill should’ve shared but didn’t.

Turning on his heel, Eddie sprinted back to Beverly and Richie. Did Stan know? Maybe Ben knew? What if they all knew and this was going to be some elaborate scheme to tease Eddie for not being in the loop. It was a cruel prank if so, and Eddie wasn’t ready for them all to laugh in his face.

He got out to the road again and toppled over Silver onto the ground.

“Fucking hell, Eddie -Spagetti!” Richie yelped. “What’s chasing ya?” He grabbed his forearm and helped Eddie up and then dramatically dusted the dirt off his clothes.

Eddie looked back into the woods, as if he could still see Bill and that girl about to kiss and sighed. “Nothing. Let’s go home.”

“No ice cream?” Bev asked, “Richie’s treat,” Eddie shook his head while Richie protested.

“I just want to go home,” she nodded and they began the trec to their houses, not speaking much to Eddie, and not laughing like they were before.

It had been two long weeks of Eddie paying little attention to Bill. As much as he hated to admit it, it was hard to not talk to Bill. Bill and him would typically walk home together because they lived so close, but Eddie had been dragging Richie along with them so as to not spend it alone.

This was going pretty well in Eddie’s mind until Bill had cornered Eddie at his locker. “After school can we walk home? I told Richie to scram and he’s going to the arcade with Mike.

“Mike hates the arcade,”

“Today he wanted to go,”

“No he didn’t.”

“I made him want to go.”

“Bill-“

“What?”

“I didn’t do anything!”

“Are you picking up the shit on the farm all week?”

“No”

“How much are you paying him?”

“Nothing! What’s with the third degree?”

“What’s with the need for privacy?”

“I want to talk is all,”

“About what?”

“Just want to t-talk! Can’t I just talk to you without you being so w-weird?” Eddie rolled his eyes and nodded.

“I’m not being weird, you’re being weird.” He scoffed and then closed his locker and turned on his heel away.

During the last period of the day Richie didn’t stop talking which wasn’t unusual, but he kept talking about how excited he was to see Mike and that he was bummed they couldn’t hangout after school. Eddie wanted to see Richie after school, much more than he wanted to see Bill. He was anxious thinking about what Bill wanted to talk about, about Eddie avoiding him, about school, or maybe to say he didn’t want to be Eddie’s friend anymore.

Richie was always a great distraction from his anxiety though. Despite his chaotic personality, Eddie felt at ease with Richie poking fun at him, or being too loud and obnoxious. And if Eddie was beginning to develop a tiny crush on him, that seemed like a problem for a later time. Richie couldn’t like him, not with the amount of girls he brags about “banging”, and it was nothing more than jealousy...definitely jealousy.

Eddie hadn’t even realized they had stopped walking until they were at the meeting spot where Mike and Bill already were. Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand and yanked him over to the group, tucking him under his arm and close to his side.

“‘Ello fellas!” He called and Eddie flushed. He was such an annoying and adorable dork.

“‘Ello mate!” Mike reciprocated and fluffed Richie’s hair.

“Hi E-Eddie,” Bill said quietly.

“Hi Billy,” Eddie said back just as soft. He found himself pressing into Richie’s side as if he could hide in his skin.

Richie and Mike were teasing each other with punches and stupid words, not at all paying attention to the two awkwardly standing in silence.

“Well, you g-guys should be h-headed out.” Bill said. His stutter was fairly gone, it only came out on certain syllables and when he felt such a strong emotion he stumbled over his words. Eddie could tell he was nervous for the conversation.

“Trying to get rid of us so soon?” Mike asked.

Bill shrugged and laughed. “Go so we can meet up with you guys later.” Richie saluted Bill and have Eddie a tight side squeeze.

“I’ll see you soon, Eddie Spaghetti!” Eddie flushed again and pushed Richie away.

“Richie, stop with the nicknames!” He whined and Richie nodded.

“Sure thing Eddie-baby!” Mike chuckled and dragged him backwards by the collar of his shirt.

Bill and Eddie shifted once they were out of ear shot and Bill coughed.

“So...” Eddie began with no intention of finishing it.

“Y-Yeah.” Bill said and turned to walk towards the bike rack. “Did you ride today?”

“I do everyday,” Eddie mumbled and Bill nodded but didn’t pick his head up from looking down.

Silence again until they got to the bike rack and unlocked their bikes. Bill mounted his and peddled a little slow and Eddie followed.

They left the campus grounds and rode a little down the road when Eddie called up to Bill: “Where are we even going?”

“Not much farther,”

Eddie rolled his eyes and continued, catching up to Bill and racing him. Bill leaned forward and went faster to pass Eddie and suddenly they were racing with engine noises and pretending to crash or talk smack.

Bill eventually fell back a bit and stopped off at the woods right where his bike was parked when he was with that girl. Eddie turned and slowly stopped.

“You took me to the woods?” He asked. Bill nodded his head and stepped behind the trees. He held up the branches for Eddie and let some of the little ones hit him back in the belly but they both laughed it off.

They got to the clearing where Bill was before and Eddie could still see the tree he watched from. “I took a girl here aw-while ago.” He said and sat on the rock. Eddie nodded his head and sat on the rock as far away from Bill as he could. “Her name’s Samantha. But I call her Sam.” Bill fidgeted with his hands and then looked at Eddie. “I want you to meet her before I take her on a date though.”

Eddie was taken aback by this, he didn’t know what direction he thought it was going, but this was not it. “What?”

“I r-really like her. B-but I want you to like her too. Your app-proval, y’know?”

Eddie nodded his head. “I know about her.” Eddie turned to Bill and crossed his legs. “I know you kissed her awhile back.” Bill looked up at Eddie puzzled.

“H-how? I made sure nobody s-s-saw us!” Bill paused and let the gears turn. “Did you follow me? Do you like her? Is that why you’re ignoring me?”

“Ignoring you?” Eddie said and stood up angrily. “You’ve been ignoring me for the past month or so! Is that how big your ego is?”

“She’s just a girl Eddie! You can have her!“ Bill yelled and he stood up to look down at Eddie.

“I don’t want her Bill, I want you back!” Eddie jabbed a finger into Bill’s chest and feel his eyes getting wet. Bill stepped forward but Eddie stepped back and turned away.

“Don’t look at me for this, okay?” Bill nodded his head, but Eddie couldn’t see. “I miss you as my friend Billy. I really miss hanging out with you and seeing your stupid face. You’re my best friend, basically my brother, and I miss you. And now that you have a girlfriend you’re gonna he gone even more because you have to take her out on dates.” Eddie wiped his eyes and saw his sleeves were wet. He didn’t want to cry, not this much, but he had so much bottled up that he didn’t have the strength to hold it back.

“Eddie I’ll still see you! All the time! We w-will still go to school together, home together, eat lunch together, and go to the movies t-together! But she might be there sometimes and I just wanted to make sure you like her.” Bill grabbed Eddie’s shoulder and turned him a bit. “You’re the b-brotherly seal of approval. I-if my f-family doesn’t like her, then I’ll f-find someone else.” Eddie wiped his eyes again and looked up at Bill. Eddie always wanted a brother, and Bill just called him his brother.

“Tell me about her,” Eddie smiled and sat back on the rock. Bill still stood, talking on and on about how great she was, how beautiful she is and what he jokes are like. How she’ll fit in with our friends and Bev can finally have a girl to have girl talk with and “not yap your ears off about whatever” . He said that she loves his writing too, and that they go on writing dates sometimes where she and him just write each other poems. Eddie thought it was adorable. He wanted to do cute things with and be cute with like Bill.

“M-maybe we can go on a double date sometime!” Eddie shrugged and nodded his head.

“Sure, but not many girls are lining up for me,” he joked but Bill laughed and punched his arm.

“Oh I’ll find you a g-girl! Anyone would be lucky enough to date you!” Eddie shrugged and let out a forced laugh.

Eddie tried to like girls, he did. He thought they were pretty and funny, but he couldn’t imagine himself on a date with a girl, regardless of how much he tried. He just saw himself getting a shake with stupid Richie.

“I dunno Bill. I don’t think I should be dating girls.”

“Why not?” Eddie shrugged and looking up at the sky. “Is it your mom? She knows you’re growing up right? You may still be s-short but your getting older, you need to s-spread your wings!” Bill squawked like a hawk and pecked the air right in Eddie’s face and they laughed together.

“So what is it, Eddie? S-Sam could set you up with one of h-her friends,” Eddie shrugged again and shook his head. “You can tell me, you know. You’re like my brother,”  
Eddie smiled and looked down at the dirt, trying to figure out what shapes he saw.

“I don’t know, maybe they’re not all they're cracked up to be, ya know?”

Bill shook his head. “What?” Eddie shook his head.

“I don’t know,” Eddie tried to find the words but couldn’t. He didn’t know anything about what to call himself. How to explain what was going on, because there wasn’t a way to explain it without him sounding-“

“Do you already have a girl?” Eddie shook his head in protest.

“Bill, I think, I think something is wrong with me. Like I’m sick.”

”Let’s go to the doctors then. I won’t tell your m-mom,”

“Sick like mentally. Like I think I need to have my brain fried.” Bill stood up nervously.

“Wh-wh-what do y-y-you m-m-mean?” Eddie teared up again, he didn’t want to even look at Bill.

“I think I’m...queer or something,” Eddie put his arms over his face in defense and awaited a blow that never came.

“Th-that doesn’t mean we can’t go on d-double d-dates.” Bill grabbed Eddie’s knuckles and pushed them down so he could see his face.

“Don’t be thick, Billy.”

“H-how’d you know?” Eddie shrugged and pouted.

“You won’t tell Bowers?”

“W-well we do get d-dinner every night and sh-shit talk you guys-“ Eddie pushes his shoulder and smiled. “I’m k-kidding. Who is it?”

“Why aren’t you grossed out?”

“You’re my brother, assh-hole.” Bill punched his shoulder lightly and smiled.

Eddie liked having a brother.

Age thirty - Bill

For a man who wasn’t getting married, he felt nervous when he walked into the hall. He knocked on the large wooden doors with his elbow as he tried to get his cufflinks in place. The door flew open to reveal Eddie Kaspbrak in a black tuxedo, his hair all over the place, his tie around his shoulders and a scowl on his face.

“I could kill you for showing up late, you know that right?” Eddie scoffed and Bill chuckled. He grabbed Bill by his tie and yanked him inside of the room and slammed the door with his foot.

“I’m 10 minutes late, you still have two hours until Mike takes your photos and four until your stupid wedding.” Bill sat down on the bed as Eddie walked back over to the mirror and fiddled with the tie.

“For your information it’s three and a half hours until my stupid wedding, not four.” Bill shrugged and continued on his cufflink.

“Where’s the others? Shouldn’t someone else be here with you?” Eddie’s tie turned into a weird knot and he yanked it off of his neck again.

“Bev is trying to calm Richie down. You know that asshole got hammered last night and nearly slept through all of his alarms.” Bill went red - knowing he was behind half of the shots Richie took and wouldn’t stop buying him beers until they both were asleep at the bar. Luckily Eddie was too busy with the mirror to focus on Bill.

“Did you expect something different?” Eddie sighed and tried his tie one more time. Bill couldn’t even tell if he was supposed to be wearing a bowtie or tie from how awfully he kept tying it. Frustrated, Eddie balled up the tie and threw it onto the ground.

“I just wanted something different. He’s always being careless.” Bill stood up and grabbed the tie off the ground. It was a bowtie. Bill wrapped the fabric around Eddie’s neck and began to tie it. He wasn’t a professional, but they’d get more progress until someone else came in to help.

“Don’t be mad at him. I kept buying him the drinks. “ Eddie angrily looked up at Bill but laughed. “He was nervous! What did you want me to do? He thinks he’s going to fall on his face walking up and ruin the whole ceremony.” Eddie smiled and looked back at his mirror. Bill didn’t notice it before but Eddie had taped up a picture of Richie onto his mirror and was making heart eyes at it.

“Oh yeah, he’s going to ruin this illegal wedding. There’s a couple things that could ruin today, and him falling isn’t one of them.” Bill finished the tie and smoothed it out with a giggle. Gay marriage still hadn’t been legalized in the states, but Eddie and Richie felt married enough, this was just a small ceremony to celebrate them all hitting their thirties, and so what if they weren’t legally married? Fake legally married felt real enough for the two of them - and the Losers would never excuse a chance to party.

“What could ruin it?”

Eddie heaved a hearty sigh and looked off. “The list is long. I mean I could get sick right now, Richie could get sick now. I could fall down the stairs and break my legs. A murderous clown could destroy everything-“

“Now you’re looking for things to worry about.” Eddie smiled and looked down at Bill’s cufflinks.

“Dude, this is the easiest fucking part. Why can’t you just snap them into place-“ Eddie grabbed Bill’s arm and screwed them into place.

“I’ll do my cufflinks correctly when you don’t come up with a solution to every bad situation you think is going to happen.” Eddie rolled his eyes with a smile and grabbed Bill’s other arm.

“I still haven’t figured out a solution to the clown. I have more than enough Tums to fix everyone’s stomachs for at least the rest of today. You think two bottles is enough for everyone?” Bill smiled and tried fixing Eddie’s hair.

“More than enough. Are you trying to feed a village of stomach aches?” Eddie shrugged and nervously smiled. The group might have gotten older, but they kept a lot of their same mannerisms. Eddie still talked with his hands and exaggerated expressions, and every once in awhile Bill did stutter. It was beyond better than when they were children but he still stumbled over certain words. “Don’t worry, everything is going to be fine,” Eddie sighed and flopped into the arm chair at his dresser.

“Yeah well what if it isn’t?” Bill shrugged and sat on the arm of the chair.

“I guess we all die then,” Eddie sighed and threw his head down into his hands.

“I’m just nervous, Billy. It’s supposed to be perfect, this is my fucking wedding!” Bill patted his shoulder gently just to let him get his emotions out. Eddie wasn’t delicate, but he was sensitive and one wrong word could probably send him into a tizzy.

“It’s going to be perfect. What are three things that would make this w-wedding feel perfect?”

“Well-“ Bill made an incorrect buzzer noise right in Eddie’s ear. Eddie jolted up and made a confused and angry face at Bill. “What? What do you know is going to make my own wedding perfect?”

“Well, the basics of a wedding are you and Richie being there, right? So that’s one. Number two is that your friends are by your side, right?” Eddie nodded his head slowly, hanging onto Bill’s every word. “And three is that you and Richie are happy.”

“But it has to be perfect -“

“Perfect is stupid. Just be happy.” Eddie nodded his head and leaned back in the chair.

“As long as you guys and Richie are there, I’m happy.” Bill smiled and fluffed Eddie’s hair again. Bill didn’t even know if his speech was going to work, he just was balancing on a tightrope and hoping that the breeze wouldn’t blow him off.

“Now, let’s fix your f-fucking hair. You’ve matted it like a dog,” Eddie groaned through a laugh and grabbed his product.

There was one more set of double doors to go through before they got into the hall. The wedding wasn’t in a church but in an outdoor garden. Richie had just been walked down the aisle by his mother (which was about 20 feet before the makeshift alter and Ben who had written his own script as the makeshift pastor) and now, Bill was waiting on his cue to walk with Eddie.

Eddie was bouncing his legs, picking at his fingers and kept popping mints like they were raisins. The third time Eddie had asked if his hair looked okay Bill felt like he wanted to sprint down the aisle just to get away from the anxious man next to him.

“Eddie, you look great, your breath smells fine, and you’re going to walk fine. Relax dude, your anxiety is contagious.” Eddie looked up nervously at Bill.

“Is everyone else going to catch it too?”

Bill rolled his eyes, “I’m kidding, stupid. Just relax, you’re going to be okay.” Eddie nodded his head. The silence lasted about 15 seconds before Eddie broke it again.

“Thanks again. For, uh, being my best man and stuff. You’re like a brother to me and I know it’s a weird thing to say with Geor-“ Bill patted Eddie’s shoulder and then yanked him into a hug. Eddie was the bravest guy he knew, between the broken arm, the bullying, and finding strength in himself to come to terms with his sexuality (and get illegally married to the man he loved), Bill really loved Eddie. He was looking forward to the day that he would ask Eddie to be his best man, because that’s what brothers do right?

Every day Bill thought about Georgie. He always was thinking about “If Georgie was here what would he say?” “What would Georgie think?” “What would Georgie look like?”. Between the sleepless nights where Bill only thought about if Georgie felt pain when he died or what his last thoughts were, Eddie was there to help pick up the pieces of Bill’s broken heart. He was always there to read over his poems, or to give him a hug (which was very rare because the men from Derry always grew up without giving another man a hug), and throughout high school he was the first person to tell any secret to. If Eddie wasn’t there after Georgie died, Bill thought he might not be either. And moments like these made him so glad to have Eddie in his life.

“You’re my brother, Eddie. Of course I’d be here for you.” Bill felt himself tear up as Eddie wrapped his arms around BIll’s waist and pressed his face into his chest.

“Thanks, Billy.” Eddie said, muffled by the clothes. And for just a moment, Bill thought he heard Georgie’s voice in Eddie’s.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to let me know if I've forgotten to tag anything and I'll gladly do it!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Follow my It tumblr thegood-side and come say hi!


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